Sometimes I ask myself this question...
I know that having a child that looks a bit different and only has one eye is always going to attract questions and looks. But what offends me is the way that people go about it. A few weeks ago Ellie and I were in the supermarket when I overheard a 30yo guy say to his partner, "Look, Look that baby only has 1 eye" If you know me well you would know I dont mind people glancing at Ellie, as it is hard not too, but this disgusted me. Over the last year I have learnt to put these people in their place, to this young guy I proceeded to tell him, that what he just did was so disgustingly rude, to which he appologised. I said his appology was not accepted, "Just dont do it in the first place"
Today we had another outing where for 30 minutes while I fed Ellie in the pram, two ladies kept staring and pointing at Ellie and (not in a way where they were saying she was cute) it was in a rude way. To these ladies I simply said "is there any reason why you have to stare at Ellie and I for 30 minutes, it is not nice"
On both these occasions I walk away feeling like the bad guy, as I am the one that has said something. But at what point when someone looks (stares) or says something out of line about Ellie am I supposed to stand up for her.... this is why I ask myself, "AM I THE SENSITIVE ONE"
I have also started to ignore complete strangers when they feel the need to ask me over and over and over, "what happened to her eye" "what is wrong with her eye" "why is she so little for her age" I think to myself I would never ever ask a complete stranger these questions, so what gives these people the right to think they can be intrusive into my life.... again, I wonder, "AM I TOO SENSITIVE???"
I think it is hard not to be sensitive. When you have a child with a disability, you have to develop a very thick skin. But why should we? What gives people the right to point and stare? I don't go around pointing at people who are overweight or who wear glasses. I wouldn't dream of it. I can't understand people who are so rude.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for saying something. Don't feel bad. Hopefully next time they will think twice about talking about someone who may look or be different. xx
This is a good question. Are you really asking for an answer? If so, I say that you are not too sensitive. I am such a "justice-minded" person. And it isn't right for people to stare, point or otherwise make a spectacle out of Ellie or any child for that matter. You are the mama and you are sticking up for her. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way... I could stare at her all day because she is so adorable.
Thanks Girls - Anna, I have learnt to develop a think skin, but some time that thick skin wears thin... and your right I dont stare at fat people or anything like that.
ReplyDeleteLauren, I wasnt really asking a answer, more so asking myself. But thanks for answering... and Yes I could stare at all day to... Thanks for your responses x
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteYou are not too sensitive. It is our job and our right to be advocates for our special babies. If WE don't stick up for them nobody else will either. We had a similiar experience a few weeks ago at the mall when we overheard a teenage girl saying that our precious Tanner looked like an alien. I was so mad that I cried. I didn't know whether to act on it or not. Now that I have read your experience I realize that I will definitey voice up anytime my baby is insulted from now on. You did the right thing! Hannah and I were talking about a polite way to confront these ingonorant people without stooping to their level. We agreed that we liked the idea of getting a business like card made up that simply says "Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome! GOOGLE IT!". This way they would actually see what causes our babies to be as special as they are. They would also come in handy because I have met a few people that are genuinely curious but are like "wolf...what?". This way if they want to look it up they have the name and spelling right there. It's just an idea:) I enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for voicing something that I've been thinking about a lot about myself lately. Have a nice holiday.
Im glad that reading my post will prompt you to voice up next time... its not easy but it has taken me a while to learn to do this tactfuly. I do love your idea about the business card, I am seriously going to look into this, as you said there are also people out there who are genuinley curious, so you could hand this to them too... Thanks for your comments on this post. Have a great christmas
ReplyDeleteMelissa, people say that having a child with a visible disability is sometimes a good thing because people are quicker to accept. Whoever said that is an idiot!! remember that day we had a coffee, and the idiot who spilled the coffee all over the boys? Gee didn't we get stares. mmm i wonder why? I don't think it was the coffee.... i felt like i was the freak show!! i had Noam you had ellie and together i am sure we gave them all something to talk about over dinner that night!! We have to be tough and stand up for our kids but i tell you what, we have to cry as well!! We have to teach our kids to be strong and proud of who they are but we also have teach them that it is okay to get upset at not being treated with dignity and respect!! keep getting stronger and keep getting upset because its what will make them HUMAN, Those IDIOTS!
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